Ephesians 5

Anyone who has been to church on a day when Ephesians 5 has been read probably has some bruised ribs.  Elbows fly back and forth as Paul recounts the duties of both a husband and a wife.  Naturally, we all fall short somehow, so the finger pointing and elbow punching begins during the reading as you and your spouses shortcomings are put on display.  Just in case you don't recall the discourse, here it is (verse 21-33):

[21] Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.  

[22] Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. [24] As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. 

[25] Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her [26] to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, [27] that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28] So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, [30] because we are members of his body. [31] “For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” [32] This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. 

[33] In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.

There are 3 distinct sections to this text.  Part 1: Paul speaking to both husbands and wives, Part 2: Paul speaking to wives, and Part 3: Paul speaking to husbands, and then back to part 1 at the end.

It is this second part that seems to cause the most uproar.  "Wives be subordinate to their husbands."  You can almost hear the feminist movement screaming now.  Subordinate?  What the heck is this?  I must admit, to our 21st century ears, this does sound a little suppressive.  But, is it really?  I heard/read the most beautiful, and I mean beautiful, commentary on this verse.  It comes from Pope Pius XI from his Encyclical Letter on Christian Marriage, Casti Connubi (pages 26-28)

This subjection, however, does not deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her husband's every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the dignity due to wife; nor, in fine, does it imply that the wife should be put on a level with those persons who in law are called minors, to whom it is not customary to allow free exercise of their rights on account of their lack of mature judgment, or of their ignorance of human affairs. But it forbids that exaggerated liberty which cares not for the good of the family; it forbids that in this body which is the family, the heart be separated from the head to the great detriment of the whole body and the proximate danger of ruin. For if the man is the head, the woman is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, so she may and ought to claim for herself the chief place in love. Again, this subjection of wife to husband in its degree and manner may vary according to the different conditions of persons, place and time. In fact, if the husband neglect his duty, it falls to the wife to take his place in directing the family. But the structure of the family and its fundamental law, established and confirmed by God, must always and everywhere be maintained intact. 

The emphasis was mine.  What a great quote.  Note that this submission is not that of a slave, but rather that of order.  A successful company has a visible head, the CEO.  The one who makes the final decision on matters of the company.  The CEO is not in charge of many of operations of the company, there are other people to which that task is entrusted.  Is the CEO's job more important than that of a Manager or Supervisor?  One could say yes, but we think only in terms of responsibility, not function.  The company could no more function without its workers, supervisors, & managers than without its CEO.  The point I am trying to say is that every person in a company has an important role.  If every person understands their role, embraces it, and carries out their task, the company can only be successful.  The same goes for a marriage.  Note the Pius XI is not saying that the head is more important than the heart.  In fact, what are the two organs that you cannot live without? The head and the heart.  You can do without almost everything else, at least temporarily.  The heart is every bit as important as the head.  This "subordination" that Paul is talking about is not that of a slave, it is that of order, for the good of the family.  If everyone in the family knows their role, embraces it, and carries it out, the family will be successful.

What happens if, in a tire company, a manager decides that he wants to make brake pads, and carries out his desire.  If this did not come at the directive of the CEO, this could jeopardize the companies' capitol and the company could be left in ruin.  We recognize the value of having someone in charge of the decisions in the business world.  Why not also in the family?  We see what happens when husbands and wives both make decisions independent of one another.  A separation happens.  To use a slightly colored phrase: "too many chiefs and not enough indians."  This will almost always result in some form of family disfunction.

One might say that the wife knows more about the children and should make decisions concerning them.  This is perfectly true in the sense that the wife has keen insights into many matters of the family, not least of which is dealing with the children.  The successful family, however, is the one where that is communicated to the husband, and a plan of action can be decided upon and put into place.  It isn't that the wife can't or didn't make decisions for herself, it is that the authority of the father is greater in this regard.  In my own family, no matter how much discipline is given by my wife, the kids know that when dad's discipline get here, we mean business.  It is't harshness or severity, but rather order.  Kids recognize the visible head of authority in the family whether or not that has been communicated to them.

Let's not leave out the husbands though.  While verses 22-24 cause the most uproar, notice how much more Paul talks about the role of the husband, verses 25-32, at least twice as much.  What does he say about them?  Husbands Love your wives.  Husbands sitting in the pews think, "nice, looks like my job is done here, she needs to be a bit more subservient."  Those men are too quick to take in the first sentence and turn off the attention.  It ends with "as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her..."  Woah.  Christ got up on a cross for his love for the church.  And, he expects the same from the husband.  Yes, husbands still have work to do.  We need to be ready and willing to get up on that cross for our wives.  Are we ready for that?  I have work to do...  We all have work to do...  This isn't the "love" feeling, this is the love of the will and the love of self sacrifice, very different from the mere feeling of affection that many of us like to think is love today.

There is another interesting aspect to this.  According to marriage counselors the number one complaint of husbands about their wives is "she doesn't respect me," and the number one complaint of wives about their husbands is "he never chooses me."  The part that is interesting is that in Ephesians 5, Paul actually gives us a remedy to each of these problems.  For the husbands "she doesn't respect me," Paul says to wives "be submissive to your husbands."  That is, respect him and his role as the head of the family.  For the wives "he doesn't choose me," Paul says to the husbands, "love your wives."  That is, love her so much that you always choose her.

It shouldn't be news at all that men and women still have the same marital problems after 2,000 years.  Men are men and women are women.  We can't change our nature.  In fact, we can be even more bold.  Men and women haven't changed since the beginning!  The very beginning!  I wrote a post about this earlier called Adam's Sin of Omission.  Adam was present when the serpent tempted Eve.  Adam was silent.  In other words, Adam failed to lead.  He failed to die for his spouse, Eve.  It was Adam's sole responsibility to lead Eve away from sin, and he failed.  St. Paul offers us the solution to all marital problems; a way to leave the ways of sin and love one another; a way for a husband to lead his family to Christ.